Jewels in my eyes, diamonds in my heart.

I think you know what does the heading mean. I know, every week is filled with stress and everything but today I can feel the pressure. For quite a long time, the 'jewels' and the 'diamonds' re-appeared. I can't remember how long has it been since 'it' came out in public.

It's hard.. I mean, why do I have to go through this bond if it wasn't even going to last long? Because it REALLY hurts! I've been through this phase before. I don't know why I have let myself unguarded this time. I mean, the barrier was still there when we first met but after we've known each other it has collapsed slowly, as if it hadn't even exist. I've been wondering about it lately. That's why I seem so lost most of the time. I wondered why I am soo comfortable with you guys. I mean, I have lost my senses, my judgement and this has cause my abilities to slowly escape from me.

Know what? Since you, I have become more fragile. Firstly, my shield of protection has gone for no reason, then my barrier has collapsed and now my heart is visible to everyone. I feel so exposed now, like I am naked. Not physically but mentally. Like my soul is now free and available even for strangers to read it. That is not fair! I know nothing in this world is fair and that's life. But to see and experience the cruelty by myself is just so wrong on so many levels! It feels like giving you a sword and asking you to tear my heart open and demanding you to play with its contents.

Now I don't even feel like inviting any excitement nor happiness to myself instead I welcome with open arms for sorrowness and dissapointments. I am now anti with cheerful thingy. Urgh. Time pass so fast even before you knew it. And when it does, no heart can be mend anymore. Right now I'm listening to happy songs to restore back my old self but it doesn't seem to be working. I am not even in the mood. I feel like shouting as my lungs can hold and run as long as my leg can't walk. I hate this! I despise this! Why oh why? How much more heartbreaks do I have to take and how many time do I have to be frustated with hopes and get dissapointed by things and people that I rely on? It is not fair!

The jewels.. the diamonds.. It's coming out now. It really is. Oh how and why have I lost my senses and old perspective of things? When did it happened? How can I redeem it? Urgh! No use. Now I too have become a pessimist person. Not cool. Why the jewels and diamonds need to be produced in order for me to come back to me, the original me?! Owh jewels, owh diamonds. Stay where you've hidden, locked up inside my heart, deep down inside. Do not take a shovel and find your way out. Please! Just stay there, where you belong, where you are needed most. Not up here, not here, not now, not for anything. Heartache. It's in now. Can't you feel it? Like a drummer beating you out of life. It feel just like standing next to a loudspeakers in a Rock-Metal concert. It is stressful, bothering and useless! Please don't... Please don't. Find something else to do. Don't drive your way out of there. Keep it low and steady down there. There, good! Stay there until you are summoned. And when you are, let it all out. But not now, not here, not in front of them.

Dear jewels in my eyes and the diamonds in my heart. Just hold on. Don't expose yourself or we won't have any protection anymore. It's dangerous out there and it is crucial for you to keep holding on. Oh my dear jewels and diamonds...